I have good intentions most of the time. Trying to make people smile. Trying to bring some humor to those around me who are my "friends". Trying to have an outlet and a conversation with someone over the age of 10. Trying to share our little family of 7 with grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. But there are also those times when I'm really just trying to feel validated...to feel like what I do matters. There are times when I'm just trying to "escape" my reality and get others to comment on how cute my kids are or how clever our most recent craft project was. There are times I want the world to notice me. I want attention, and short of throwing myself on the floor kicking and screaming, like I've seen my kids do, I post cute photos of my kids, share our latest adventures in crafting, and show what we're eating for dinner again. I do this like you'd even care. Really, does everyone need to know what we ate for dinner. Sure sometimes it's great to see what other people are doing so we know we're not alone. It's great to see what others are having for dinner and get some new ideas. But the length to which it's done is a little out of control...at least for me. I know I have a facebook problem and I'm sure there's probably a 12 step program for that. I know that I am on instagram too much and pin WAY to many things but putting a stop to those things is where I really struggle. I have thought in my head for months that I just need to delete facebook and instagram from my phone because I really am not on my computer much during the day and then I'd have a little more control. But I'm such a wimp. I cannot bring myself to do it. I always find myself justifying it. Saying it's not that big of a deal, or that I can control myself or stop any time I want. But really, I can't. I have an addiction with the feeling I get when people "comment", "like", or just interact with me on social media. But it makes my REAL LIFE suffer.
I've heard people call me super mom. I've heard people say they're jealous of things I've done or do. I've heard people say I've got it all together. But I'm here to tell you all that I don't. I am addicted to social media. I have a problem with being on time for just about everything. I have a yelling problem. I ignore my children to satisfy my worldly desire of being "validated". I drink too much coffee and sneak chocolate when no one is looking. I "go to the bathroom" to get away from my children for a minute. Summer break is so hard for me. Sure it'll be nice to not have to wake up so early to get kids ready for school but what am I going to do with them all summer long.
I am NOT a super mom. I do NOT have it all together. Please do NOT be jealous of me. I have a low self-esteem but no will power to actually do anything about it. I want to eat clean and real food but struggle just to get a meal plan made and sticking with it is aother story in itself. I am pretty consistent at being inconsistent. In an effort to not just say all these things but actually work on them I am going to take matters into my own hands.
I will be off social media for the next week or more, I will be deleting facebook, instagram and pinterest from my phone. And after that I will just access social media on my computer for some time. After that time I will reevaluate what social media platforms I bring back into my life. I will be intentional about spending time with my kids (after all they've been gone for a week). I will look for my validation in Christ alone. I will cook meals with and for my family. I will do my best to get to the many projects that lay before me unfinished because I've been spending too much time on social media. You will still be able to reach me if you want to. You can email me or text me. But don't freak out if I don't respond right away.
I have done this in the past and it has helped tremendously. I don't want to regret missing this time with my kids. I want to be present in their lives. I want to be a good example to them and not watch their childhood from behind my little screen. I tell you all these things so that if you need to re-evaluate you can know you're not alone and to help keep me accountable. It's easy to be sucked in by social media and other worldly things and if I tell someone about my technology time-out I have a better chance of actually sticking with it! I don't want to be so consumed by these wordly things anymore so the best way for me to stop is cold turkey!! I bet the world will even keep on turning without me telling you about what we ate for dinner! ;)