Man, I am a horrible mom. I can totally relate with Paul, "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." (Romans 7:15)I don't want to say no so often. I don't want to yell. I don't want to ignore my children but these are the things I do. I do want to play with them (for a while), I do want to do fun crafts with them. I do want to say 'yes' but these are the things that I don't often do. What is wrong with me?
It's called SIN. S-I-N. Plain and simple. Sometimes the only thing I'm good at is being a sinner. I'm consistently inconsistent. My flesh is weak. I talk a big game, put up a good front, sell lots of front row tickets. But most of the time it's just bright lights, smoke and mirrors. Thankfully the only ones who showed up in order to get let down are my kids. Or maybe not thankfully at all.
How can I give and give and give my best to others who don't share my address? How can I live to impress people who don't share my blood and then let down those who do by being "to tired" or by making them wait "just one more minute". It's so backwards. But I'm guessing that I'm not alone in this. Because if I were there would be a lot less divorce, a lot less broken homes and families. If we truly lived to serve like Christ and serve our family first, this world would be a lot different.
I'll be the first to admit I'm not very good at serving my family like Christ would. Sure, I'm working on it and I try to daily pick up my cross and follow Christ but like I said, my flesh is very weak. The old adam is a good swimmer. I need Jesus. I cook dinner, do the dishes, wash clothes, vacuum, etc. but how many times am I grumbling while I do it? How often do I let things slide because I just don't care? And yet, I'm trying to teach my 6 year old to be confident and do all things to the glory of God. How do you spell hypocrite?
Are you nodding your head along with me? I have a feeling I'm not sailing this boat alone (and if I am, that's okay). I want to reassure you, you are not alone in this either. We struggle with this nasty disease that eats at our hearts. It's there from the moment we come into this world. This disease tells us it doesn't really matter, mediocre is just fine, yelling is okay once in a while. This disease whispers that we aren't good enough, never have been and never will be. This disease turns our hearts and souls away from Christ. This disease called SIN consumes us. But this disease has been washed away through the blood of the lamb. Jesus Christ took all my crap. He took all your crap too don't worry. He took every single SIN ever committed on Himself and died to make things right. "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 6:23). Praise be to God.
Yes, He became the sacrifice that the world needed (and still needs today) in order to make things right. We are free from the guilt that so easily entangles us. Tell the mommy guilt goodbye. But don't continue on your path of destruction or your path of doing the same bad, hurtful things over and over. Live the new life that Christ has given you. Live in the grace and forgiveness that He gives us. Live in the freedom that He died to give. Live in Christ. And when we mess up again tomorrow and in an hour let's cling to the cross of Christ, again. Ask for forgiveness know that it is yours FREELY. Let's share and serve Christ by serving our families and those we come into contact with. Christ died so that we may have new life, not the same saying no, yelling, ignoring children life. We are free from the SIN that entangles us but that doesn't mean we go on sinning. "What shall we say then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We are those that have died to sin, how can we live in it any longer? Or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ were baptized into His death? We were therefore buried with Him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life. For if we have been united with Him in a death like His, we will certainly also be united with Him in a resurrection like His." (Romans 6:1-5).