Last night I got a small glimpse of what my days are going to be like starting on Monday. It was Open House night at the kids school...and since I am working there now I was there as a mom and the Director of Afternoons. Naomi stayed in her classroom with her teacher and helped a bit there and Micah came with me and played with legos while I answered questions and chatted with parents. It was great to meet many of the kids that will be under my care in the afternoons program. My two little ones were being cared for by my friend Barb at her house. It was only two hours, just a glimpse of what is to come. Everything went really well...lots of questions answered, lots of relationships established, two little ones cared for by a sweet friend, but something still just didn't seem right. Somethings are going to take time to get used to. Once we got home and the kids got settled into bed I sat down to think again about what is about to happen.
Our family is going to go through many changes, many unknowns are heading our way. And you know what I'm most sad about...the fact that I won't get to be with my babies all day during the week. The fact that for six hours a day I will trust them to another. I fully trust whom they will be with, I have no doubts that they will be loved and well cared for it's just I'm afraid of what I'm going to miss. It makes me sad to think of all the fun things they'll be doing without me. I'm sad to think of Abi maybe taking her first steps without me around. I'm totally okay with Hannah learning to use the potty without me though!! ha!
I know that I'm not the first (nor will I be the last) mom who has stayed home for six years watching kids grow to go back to work before the youngest is walking. I realize that my girls are going to have lots of love and fun times and that now I'll get more time with the big kids during the week. I realize that what I'm doing is for my family and I'm so proud that I'll be able to help out and I will enjoy the work I'm going to do. It's just bittersweet. I am so thankful for the support that my family and friends have given me during this time of transition. Being willing to watch my kids, offering words of encouragement and just being so helpful and kind through it all. I don't know if I'd be able to do this without their help and support!
I'm reminded of the great verse in Joshua 1:9. "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will go with you wherever you go." I have the creator of the universe on my side. Sure he can't cook our dinner and have it waiting for us when we get home at 5:30..but He can give me the means to make sure things are prepared ahead of time. He can't do my laundry or sweep my floor but He will give me the strength to be able to do so. God promises that He will always be with me. He will give me what I need, be it strength, rest, peace, etc. He will go with me. He will go to my job. He will be with my family when I'm with them and when I am not. I praise God for allowing me to know Him and to know that He loves me and that He gave up His Son for me...measly little me. But that's how much He loves me. Praise God from whom all blessings flow.
So, while we start a new chapter in the life of our family we will go with God. We will be strong and courageous and we will rely on Him to help us during this transition. It's not earth shattering or something we can't handle...just different and we'll make it work and work to HIS glory!!