Sunday, October 23, 2005

i feel like...

...a 4 year old child
...or an 80 year old woman

I bit the dust yesterday. Took a tumble. Introduced my knees to the ground. Fell...hard. We were cleaning our house last night (from top to bottom) for our special guests that are coming this Friday. I was removing the unused and somewhat broken fan from the living room and was going to place it in our "storage" room, when it happened. The little step got me. I've lived here for three months. I've watched numerous people trip on the step. I've caught myself on the step before. I know it's there. That's why this was so bad. I walked up the four normal sized steps and continued on my journey when I missed the little step with my left foot and it was all down hill from there. The fan went flying and so did I. I braced myself with my hands just in time to not have the "leg" of the fan go through my stomach. My knees took the brunt of the fall...got skinned (hence the 4 year old). Today my knees are very sore (hence the 80 year old) and I cannot even completely bend my right knee without wincing in pain.

Why would I tell you this embarrasing story? Andrew Peterson puts it this way in his song called "The Chasing Song", Well, I realize that falling down ain't graceful but I thank the Lord that falling's full of grace. Sometimes I take my eyes off Jesus and you know that's all it takes. I am blown away again by the grace of Christ. I have felt it more and more lately. Today Pastor Bloch talked about the love of Christ and I just let the words wrap around my heart and permiate all the darkness there and soften my heart so that the soil would be ready for more than just the weeds that I seem to plant. I have not been faithful. I have not taken steps towards Christ. I have not spoken words of kindness and love. I have not been a good example. I have fallen. But falling is full of grace and for that I am thankful and indebted for life. My life is His. Sometimes I don't act that way though.

As I am getting mentally prepared for the devestation that I am going to witness this week, I am also thinking about the devestation in my own life. Not in the same terms as the people in Louisiana but in spiritual terms. A hurricane has come through and uprooted many good habits and planted seeds of doubt and spiritual laziness. Where do I go to rebuild? Who do I call for help? Why are the good habits so easy to loose? Why do they seem to fly away with so much ease but are impossible to catch again to start over? Where do I start? I pray that this week will not only be a week for me to help others but to also learn new things from Jesus about myself. I am not going to just get things for myself but I am preparing and praying that my eyes would be open to the new things that I need to learn and old things that I need to be retaught.

Have a blessed week and I'll be sure to let you know how the journey goes. Please keep our group in your prayers as we travel and work to help rebuild homes and lives. Think on grace.

1 comment:

Tony Myles said...

Feeling your pain... praying you feel His.