Thursday, July 21, 2005

i'll be there for you...

Last night was a ton of fun! The girls came over and we had ourselves a "Friends" marathon. It was a blast! We ate pizza and cookies and all sorts of good stuff. We watched Friends and did some Friends trivia and quizzes. It was awesome. I want to do it again. We watched the Pilot then the Final episode and then one or two from each season that we had a then a bunch from season nine! The ladies fell asleep on the floor and I finally made it to my bed at 3:30am. I'm not as tired as I thought I would be.

I am starting to get emotionally exhausted. It is no fun cleaning out my office. Knowing that I will never use this computer again, that I will not have my name on the door, that I will not hang out with youth or adults in this capacity at this church ever again....really makes me sad. The tears are pretty close to the surface these days and I find myself crying at the most random times. Everyone says that God put me in this place for a reason...and I know that...but this part of the reason SUCKS! I am not good at goodbyes! They are no fun at all. My heart is hurting. There are many aspects of this heartaches. Not just leaving my kids, not just being replaced, not just having to pack, not just moving out, but also my friends are moving, I'm going to have to make new friends.

Starting over is okay for the most part...but today I don't want to start over, I want to stay here. I want to continue to have Friends marathons with my girls. I want to continue to scrap with Tami and Angie and make cards with Dana and Angie and play Shrek with Angie and Mark. I want to go out to lunch with my kids, go to their sporting events, help them through breakups and loss of friends or family members. I want to see them win and succeed. I want to be here for them, but I can't. That is not part of God's plan for my life anymore. God it's not fair. I don't want to move. I'm very comfortable right where I am.

Maybe that's the problem. Maybe I've gotten too comfortable in my life and I need to learn again to trust God. So I guess I just have to stop the pity party and continue to pack. Because whether I like it or not on August 3rd that moving truck is going to Seymour and I need to follow it in my van. But right now I don't want to. So let's hope that by August 3rd I can learn to trust God even more with my life and give Him this pain that I have in my heart. I know that my heartache is nothing compared to what He went through but it still hurts. I'll be there for you...that's what He promises me. He never said it would be easy but He always promised that He'd be by my side.

I'll be there for you...

1 comment:

kristin : ) said...

I LOVE YOU!!!!!!! u'll be here for us, your just a call or an e-mial or an IM away. so expect a lot of e-mial and calls. u'll be back here when im a senior, and then back to the fun! woot. i love ya and i'll mis you much! God Bless!