Monday, March 07, 2005

what is worthy?

So what makes something worthy to be put on my blog? For me just about anything does. Because I use my blog in different ways than other people do. I write about useless facts about my day, things that are coming up in the world of Peace Youth and sometimes I have a funny story to tell or some deep thought. I guess a lot of people would think that in order for something to be blog worthy it must follow a certain criteria. Well, I basically have no criteria...except that I must be the one to write it. I have a blog to keep others and myself updated on what is going on in my world. Some days you may just read what happened during my day or some other story. But I like to look back sometimes and see where I've come from. You see, I do not have a very good memory and so my blog serves as a way for me to remember things that have happened. That is why I write some of the things I do. My entries may not fit the other "professional" bloggers criteria as to what should be published but at least it means something to me.

So now, what can I write to follow that explanation. I guess I could just be honest and tell you that I feel like crap but I also feel that I have no reason to feel like crap. There are so many things that are going on in my life right now that are wonderful reflections of God's love and there are many things that are going on right now that are reflections of the fallen man. The later one is what is getting me down. My sinful nature, my selfishness, my pettiness and all those kinds of emotions. My need for contact, my need for affirmation is so very high right now and I feel that, in and of itself, that is not bad but with the underlying emotions I have it is perceived as bad in my own mind. I know that I may not be making sense to anyone reading this but it makes sense to me. I just read an entry from someone I do not even know and it helped me and encouraged me...don't compare yourself to others...it said...you are your own person and God made you YOU for a reason...(okay so I'm paraphrasing). It is so true and just want I needed today. So thank you stranger for your words...even though you did not write them for me God pointed me in that direction today and it was what I needed to hear...now if only I could live that way and actually make that a part of who I am...it is indeed who I want to be but it is much harder to go from wanting to actually making that me than I thought.

So as I go on with my day, I will try to look at the great things in life rather than the things that are getting me down. I will look for the silver lining...(who made that up?) I will try to stop comparing myself to others and just look for God's will for my life. He has me here on this earth and in this church for a reason...I guess sometimes that reason just gets a little cloudy and that is what I am trying to figure out. If you feel so inclined I would appreciate your prayers! God go with you now and always!

1 comment:

Beer and Pretzels said...

Hey Jamie! Yucky days are not fun, but they still happen. Know that you're in my prayers. I have a bit of news that may help in the finding of that silver lining. Kandyce and I are coming to St. Louis April 8-10. We haven't made any specific plans yet, but we definitely would love to see you and Greg! Let us know if you'll be around that weekend.